Daisy

One of the reasons why I didn't want to stay in America for another two years was because of a small black, actually dark silver, oh OK mucky puddle coloured poodle. She was OK while we were in America though, in fact she was much better than OK as she stayed with my Mum and Dad and had a wonderful time but I missed her too much to stay another 2 years or even six months. Knowing what I know now I also realise the reason why I was so lonely and sad when we first got to America was because she wasn't with me. When Tweedy was working and Willow was in bed it was the first time I had been alone as before I always had her and didn't realise just how much a difference that made until now.

We came home just in time and within a month of being back we realised everything wasn't right with her. A few weeks later the tests started and we slowly started ticking off what 'wasn't' wrong with her until we finally ticked the box for Cushings disease which really wasn't one of the outcomes we wanted. There is no cure but the symptoms can be treated with life long, daily medication. Even with this though we had problems with the first dose being too high and her collapsing and the lower dose not being enough to control it. She would also have to have blood tests every 3 months to monitor how they were working.

She didn't like them though so it was a case of forcing them down her throat, but as always she was amazing. In the morning if I forgot to give her them she would remind me and come over and sit while I put them in her mouth and held her muzzle till she wagged her tail to let me know she had swallowed them.

For a while we thought they were working but her blood results were still all over the place so the vet decided to scan her liver which turned out to have something wrong with it other than the Cushings. So more tablets but these ones had to be chewed. Just as well she liked them, its easy enough to make a dog swallow tablets but to make one chew them, not so easy. She also had prescription dog food which she seemed to like.

Other than the expense and the nightmare we were having with E and L insurance it seemed to be going OK. She had been going downhill the last few months but it seemed the new tablets and diet were helping and she even got a burst of energy and played with Willow and growled at other dogs, just like she use to but it was short lived.

Suddenly, overnight she changed and wouldn't eat and seemed so tired. We tried her with chicken which she reluctantly ate before being sick so we took her to the emergency vet. She gave her an injection to stop her being sick and some morphine as she seemed in pain. She also gave us some dog food for her that all dogs love and was high in protein and calories so she wouldn't need as much. For a day I tried to get her to eat hoping that it would give her some energy to get better but then the next day she wouldn't drink either and collapsed in my arms so it was another emergency vet trip and they decided to admitted her over night to put her on a drip and re-do the tests and scan to see what was going on.

I knew she didn't have long left but I hoped that the drip would help her enough to last another couple of days so Tweedy could say goodbye to her. He had been in America for a week to do a show. She didn't last over night, she didn't even have it in her to last another couple of hours. The vet phoned within an hour with the news I really didn't want to hear. There was a large growth next to her liver that hadn't been there a couple of weeks ago, she was in pain and was being sick again. Even though there really was only one choice it is so hard when it is you that has to call it. I couldn't even call Tweedy to talk it over with him as it was 4am where he was and I felt so guilty for that.

Even though Tweedy wasn't here I was lucky to be surrounded by friends who helped me cope even though things were becoming really hectic with the start of rehearsals. It was also great to have somewhere really nice to bury her which we did when Tweedy came back and in true Tweedy style he fell head first into the grave with her and got stuck with just his legs poking out. At least my memory of her being buried isn't all sad as it was pretty funny. It was also nice having a couple of friends there, especially one who had known her as a teeny tiny puppy all those years ago.

I was worried how Willow would cope but she was amazing and so matter of fact about the whole thing. Though of course she has had moments of missing her, as we all have. I'm really lucky she coped well as I pretty much fell apart, which I admit surprised me. I really wasn't expecting it to hit me as hard as it did. Even now 6 weeks later I still miss her so much it hurts. There just seems a massive hole that I'm not sure will ever be filled.

We always said we wouldn't get another dog once she had gone as they are such a bind, even though we have always been lucky with my Mum and Dad looking after her for short and long periods, but now I am dog-less I am struggling with this more and more.

This blog was so hard to write...